Sometimes when someone falls in love, they forget who they are. They want to date someone but then they change, or they disappear into what love gives them. This continues until the honeymoon phase is over and they remember what they want and who they were.
Falling in love can be an exciting journey but you don’t want to get caught up in love with a place where it causes you to lose who you are. You want to have a happy love life and you want to feel the sensation of love, but the truth is, you don’t need a better half to feel achieved in life.
You Are Your Own Person
The idea of needing someone to complete you should be more confusing than love itself. You are a healthy and whole person with or without a relationship. The relationships that people are in isn’t about two half people getting together to become one, the idea of love is that you live in this world together as two people. Keeping yourself, you, is one thing that will allow you to have a happy and fulfilled relationship.
Being in a relationship isn’t easy and there are people that have been married for years that know that goals and ideas can change as you get deeper in your relationship. But what happens when you are in the harder stages of life, and you realize that you didn’t get what you wanted out of your life?
Long term relationships aren’t easy, and you have to work hard to make the spark stay. When you first get with your partner, they are perfect in your eyes, and they can do no wrong and at the same time we often put our own thoughts and goals on hold so that we can spend time with them. This can be good for a while but as you stay together, you might realize that you aren’t happy with that.
Being yourself and deciding not to lose who you are might cause you to miss out on a few partners, but the truth is, that relationship wouldn’t have worked out for you in the end anyways. It might also be harder for you to date and find a special someone but the person that is meant to be with you, the one that wants you to be who you are, will stay and will be with the real you.
Here are some ways to stay true to yourself:
- Have Goals Beyond Your Relationship
Don’t just change your goals because you are dating someone. You can have goals beyond your relationship. Once you settle down, you might think that you should change your goals, but the truth is, embrace them even more.
- Put People You Love First
Don’t forget those that you love such as your family and your friends. Your partner should add to your life does not cause you to take away those that you love.
- Have Hobbies of Your Own
You don’t have to love everything that your partner loves and vice versa. If they like to play video games and you like to read, good! You should share some common hobbies, but you should both have hobbies of your own as well. Always support each other and care about what the other likes but don’t think that you should give up your hobbies just because you’re dating someone.
“The relationships that people are in isn’t about two half people getting together to become one”—Exactly! People tend to romanticize codependent behavior without realizing how damaging it is in the long term.
This is a fantastic reminder that we don’t need to lose ourselves in relationships. It’s all about balance and maintaining your individuality while still loving someone else. I wish more people understood this before diving headfirst into unhealthy dynamics.
Psychologists often refer to this as ‘codependency,’ where individuals base their self-worth on the relationship rather than their personal achievements or values. This article touches on some key concepts, but it might help to provide a bit more background on how codependency works.
‘Put People You Love First’—this sounds like a recipe for disaster if taken too far. Prioritizing others over yourself consistently is how you end up burned out and resentful in the long run.
@_LogicNotLove_, I think it’s more about striking a balance between your needs and those of your loved ones. It’s not about abandoning yourself but ensuring no one feels neglected either.
‘You don’t need a better half to feel achieved’…yeah, tell that to every rom-com ever made. Hollywood really has us convinced we’re incomplete without someone else propping us up.
I don’t fully agree with the idea that staying true to yourself means possibly missing out on partners. Real love should inspire us to grow, sometimes even beyond the limitations we set for ourselves. Isn’t it possible that a relationship can help shape who we are too?
“Have hobbies of your own”—So what you’re saying is…I shouldn’t have thrown away my entire stamp collection because she thought stamps were ‘boring’? Thanks for nothing, Janet!
Isn’t this just common sense? Anyone who loses themselves in a relationship probably didn’t have much of an identity to begin with. It’s not love that makes you forget who you are; it’s your own lack of self-awareness.